Holy Snappin’ Duck Shit

Monday’s beta was 126. Positive. Shit.

I’m waiting for a scan appointment, hopefully before Christmas. Yesterday I received my clinic’s “Early pregnancy” info booklet in the mail, telling me to book into an OB right away.

Around 4pm I finally got up the guts to make the call to the hospital, feeling like an absolute fraud. I worry I’m jinxing myself but as it was the earliest they could get me in was at 10wks, and that was only after I bitched about the high risk thing.

It’s infuriating that people seem to think that it’s ok to talk about The Forbidden Topics with me now. But of course it’s not, the pain is still there, still very raw. And nothing is over yet, it’s so early and a lot could go wrong.

It has been so strange to be the recipient of such pure joy from other infertiles that I know IRL. Amazing. I am also acutely aware that my news is causing some people pain, and I hate that. I am so familiar with being in that position, of being pleased for someone but in pain myself, and I hate to be the cause of pain for others.

(Thanks Dani for the title of this post)